Sunday, November 30, 2008


long distance call
drops in from Paris
she's there with friends
it's twelve AM
and Winter

I remark excitedly
I miss her
wishing I had wings
to fly there
sit for a moment with me
hello and a hug
from one side
of the world
to the other

The Eiffel tower
she tells me she
and I imagine the view
through her
but my thought is
more than the world's view
I want right now
that of you

I'm getting to be
a great painter lately
my technique
with my mind's eye brush
stroke and layers
are slowly perfecting

the longer and longer
the fonder I grow
of the coloured stains
and drips
still wet on the insides
of my eyelids

and I can't wait
to show
you everything that I've
dreamed of and about
you and I
Evie, can you hear me?
an echo just below

the beat of your heart
and the melody
of Paris
humming softly a tune
I miss you


I crave congregating human contact
in that surly afternoon waiting
sitting; creating ways to fill the gaps
eying the empty strays of light

escape me does the time until
the sun's setting reminds me the hour
and paid up am I on all my change
patience; saved for spending on them

I berate myself for feeling desperate
and put the phone down again
remembering when it wasn't this hard
to find a friend on a Sunday

Friday, November 28, 2008

Tears And Terms Of Endearment

she pierces with terms of endearment
and tears fiercely roll down her cheek
and indeed you should fear loss of her love
but you only hear her pleading as meek

you reek with the stench of betrayal
and though you say you tried but can't
it fails all your efforts of redemption
and as she wails you can't wait to depart

heartless she says are your actions
apart you've torn with more than words
distaste and scorn is your residue
the more you ignore the surer she hurts

no for an answer happens to invoke
a promotion of the desperation so contained
in your both staying together despite all
the time you wasted of each other's tainting

now the stains on the bed and your palms
are puddles of spent love wrung to dry
under the weight of a river you're carried
floating away with lack of patience's tide

the words stumble out of your mouth
the last straw you draw to exit and rash
with your tongue you mumble goodbye
and you don't even know what you've lashed

but passion has a way of heating a moment
your tone is hard enough to break bones
...let alone to disown a heart

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Too Serious I Fear Too Soon

I can't look those in the eyes -
the serious- for fear of what lies
I might sprout to work my way out
of having to say something nice
suffice to say they're too alike
in the way that they make contact
and I can barely handle one,
as for ego compounded so strikes

of the two: I grew up with one;
the man I knew came to his own
but her not having known before him
I'm finding little to show
in the way of warm emotions
as intersecting is my perception
of a relation so unfolded in hope
with my unshakable skepticism

but not for fail of wanting, prevail
still does some discontentment
and with entrails of guilt I pretend
to enjoy at his every mention
of him and her together
and the history layered so quick, so well
but how to tell the truth of it;
that I don't feel what it is that they sell

I time-line all my loves;
have and will there's no escape expiration
I try to turn from my foresight
the doubt of forever as expectation
but will power's only so strong
and not long before I know I've taken
to thought of possibly their love's fake
but want so to be mistaken

there's less words for affirmation
than reassurance that I can say
I hate to think I play down this
but romantic happiness is not a plague
over confidence doesn't write the same
as wistful thinking gives conscience to claim
but chained to motives of harm less their love
am I than to say all the above face to face

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I think of girls who play Tetris
and let us as the bricks lay them
so straight in line and parallel
fitted neat into each other until
so square are we that disappear
for score are points that we clear
and equate to meaning something

I find I feed my brain the bricks
in places aside and outside the game
passing buildings down the street
in the characteristics of girls I meet
but see the pace always hastens
as the next level higher you climb
no winning it beats me right down
the way you lose every one to time

I inevitably run out of ways to make fit
those bricks that are simply you and I
and as Tetris even for record high scores
for trying eventually we sour and sore
realising love has nowhere to go
but game over

Saturday, November 22, 2008

For Wanting Of Winter Ways
Another Year As Nears Summer's Days

I haven't felt this way
since the winter of last year
the cold and feeling old
and slowly creeping fear
that maybe you don't requite
or see me in that light
of adoration
and infatuation
that I can't help but be consumed by
and if my conscience does not lie
I think I'm falling for you again

my trying can't stop the bending
and thoughts that will not end
of me sending you that letter
outlining how I really feel
but is this loving real
or shit I'm creating in my head
happenings and conversations
things you've not yet said
about how you don't really want me
not now
just like
not then.

almost a year on
and it's nearly summer
but a fast resumption
of this sadness has landed in my lap
and like sap it bleeds
my conscience's need
to slip from Happiness' track

my plan of attack
failed implementation

I'm still as depressed
as I was both those winters
I'm on medication daily
to just stay asleep
but the cure for insomnia
seems only to weep

I keep trying to align
my eyes forward but I turn
and through a veil I write
to hide behind words
caught in the past my glance
strays sideways
and sure enough
peripheral vision like a fish fails
with my sight so tunneled
my hope behind, only trails
but long lost love, true enough
still knows no fail

The Thinking Of Kissing

I was reading 'Tropic Of Cancer.' Of this guy - Henry Miller's - life and begun thinking how I'd like a kiss and Liz tripped upon my mind. I'd kiss her... Yes, intoxicated or not. Oh and how her black hair now let down unlike when blonde and brown and up! But the teeth. Hmm, the teeth in her mouth and my need for straight lines. Straight teeth. I'm sure with my lips to hers in the moment of a kiss I'd not know any different. But it's the thought of sure enough knowing that at the withdraw she'd smile and even I too but I'd see her teeth and maybe realise my smile be pasted on fake.

And furthermore, for the mistake of making an intention false, though to her sight probably nice, I couldn't suffice to feel alright. Trying to survive my eyes would stray I'm confident. They'd betray the sincerity her lips deserve. Not necessarily towards others but certainly towards her flaws. And not 'cause but for as well, there are those that I'd kiss and not let mean a thing. But with hers I'd quick mislead. Indeed at the imagining of the ordeal I realise it possible I'm just a puddle of feeling. Seething with fear of falling in love again. Can you fear an other falling for yourself?

Legit or not, I have no clear contention. But near a kiss brings me -I'm positive- to being distressed. Either for it's consequence or influence and that is for both parties. Still it's a thought that has caught my contemplation lately and in it every occasion is a picture of her and I. And I, with Time have painted it perfectly. And lock-lipped we are kissing.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Stranger's Smile

despite absence of all trying I'm falling in love with a stranger's smile
finding more and more all the time hers unlike any I've seen in awhile
hiding behind the friendly front it's kind to me her lips that curve
and I wonder do I detect suggestion written in her eyes or do I just yearn

see, some months ago I once thought life promised some kindness in others
but I then eventually learnt that love's mainly vague even in the arms of a lover
this once I remember smoking cigarettes on the bench for wreck of nerves
and as such; patiently awaiting a break in my stench of fear to ask her

a moment aside outside or in that cafe where I made my intentions clear
and on the story goes; we had a month or so but all closeness disappeared
I can't come near that feeling again I'm not of strength to bare it as such
but what a tearing it's head against heart and if left it's weight is so much

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I Often Mistake

sipping drinks she sighs,
'your cigarettes strike the back of my throat'
and I smile replying with a whisper,
'that's how they're supposed to'
she says the house red wine's too dry
and turns barnacles of her tongue
the taste buds lift up in reaction,
making drinking and discussing less fun
my eyes stray unsure of this moment
or whether maybe she thinks it's a date
I debated for over two weeks
if or not this move would be good to make

truth I tell, I just want someone
with which it's an ease to spend the night
it sells to me; someone whom I can share
mutual company with as a plight
attention and care for detail,
looks or insight I do less than Dark's silence
I want a body all night to lie next to,
who'll help me and I them pass the time
are you her? am I him? that's a conversation
though bracing I'm unable to begin
split a taxi? let's exchange numbers
'cause all before us is quick growing thin

we walk to where's a stairwell
at a car park and I climb right behind you
to bid fair well and say our goodbyes,
take care, hope I see you soon
but the descent of steps always sets
my mind afloat with romantic thought
you know I'd brought a piece of paper
with prose to show you but got caught
in the spitting rain on the way to the table,
tonight where you awaited me
and the black ink drizzled in my hands,
those words between us not meant to be

nor a future meeting, another date a mistake
'cause we're where worlds collide
you old, I young but that the least of it
we'd break for being too minds alike

Monday, November 17, 2008

Tick To Own Or Dispose

a friend of mine got stuck
on a decision of romance
vented and confided he's
debating taking a chance
on the possibility of a future
that either doesn't include her
or stays comfortably happy
but remains plagued by a lacking
of knowing or not what else is
there may be that he'll miss

then he hands me a list with
division written on it in columns
two sides split down the middle
headed should I own or dispose
well I then penned two ticks
cause at this only you know
whether all your intentions
you're best lay up or below
where your feelings most
head or loins you're able to stow

see what a common question
seems all of us fear to strike
like the time-line of love
has inevitable bumps rife
and we bounce and stumble
over them losing balance
until we tilt and wobble and
fall off the edge of the graph
the tall orders from friends
and expectations of depths lend
to what we value as important
and will live with though distraught

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Your Heart And The Hour Glass

tall, with a figure like
an hour glass she stands
and you watch your plans
pour as does the sand
quickly down the curves
through that tiny gap
time slips by and away
though you hold out your hands

opposed to the hour glass
you know that you can't
turn her over and begin again
as was at the start
once the grains fill the base
it occurs you must depart
'cause gone now is the space
once saved for your heart

God's House

god's house is a place where you watch the time
sitting, you make your prayers as seen as mine
yet it seems ripe life ticks by so filled with silence
as slowly you wait for his voice to sound final

gathered together numbers multiply faith
and patience extrapolates with every new face
take up an offering and feel good for your loss
tossing a hollow coin or two as pay saves the lost

the many empty shells have belly to sing praise
and raise the tolerance of what ceases to amaze
emotion knows to grow under the candles' light
god's presence shows up when it's well contrived

obvious to strangers is faith in needing having faith
to pray and stay amongst those in line for the lathe
wait they will to work the shape a pattern that's saved
from falling far from grace as polished by a bathe

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Amplification Of Dissociation

windows' amplifier rests on my laptop screen
as I write you words and try to think what I mean
when I say we've been together and at this too long
it occurs to me I'm just writing the lyrics of the song

in my ears 'cause the tears that are the singer's voice
strumming and running; dictating my hapless choice
are as written for you and I as clearly as the author
and to you I'm bringing decision just as he brought her

the melancholy of our time post romance in flee
seems all I'm able to find in my stream of words I see
typed up glossy and prosed in my mind that you read
I'm struggling to stop clutching to the repetition of let us be

when we meet next I'll brace myself and play it for you
let you listen to the notes as tears glisten and choose
the direction for us to float 'cause I can't or won't pull away
without you feeling the same and accepting part of the blame

tame it seems to be so placid in reacting to this relation
that's abrading in such a manner like a terminal cancer patient
as one's relations to their loved one say well his run was good
I confide I feel like wise and know you and I did all we could

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Let's Watch The Stars

the wind whistles by my ear
with a heat breathing summer's near
and it's teething; my pining your return
what an ache for waiting is yearn

I burn through nights watching the sky
like looking harder, longer I'll find
evidence your eminent return's arrived
and as dawn climbs I realise you're just

watching the same fading stars fall as I

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Let's Pretend
We Didn't See Forever

black Doc Martins on her feet
strapped in Cheap Monday jeans
yeah, I see her out now and then
and I pretend like she don't mean

as much any more to me
than I led her on to believe

now as I am is just how we meet
and I don't tell her what I see
what with locked eyes moments freeze
'cause escaped has all momentum
left door open her motion ceased

Just One Night

there were tears that flooded a silence
out a night in a courtyard and as far as I
could tell they were none for any wasting
her face melting with a pasty wax white
her friend stretched lent hands to her cheeks
wiping away the bent streaks spent of saline
her mouth moving in console I couldn't hear
the words but knew their effect to that of
it's alright, that all will be alright dear
it was one night, this is one night, just one
in a string of life's silence on love

New Friends

I've been finding new
friends in funny places
ones which once were not
and there where
so less expected

provisions of neutral care

no pretending or agenda

or subtle judgment
just my free thinking
debating with theirs

so, and there reside
I will awhile

till consent more
my friends and I do inline

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Well So

tar thick stands your ego tall, so
I can slip by unnoticed well so,
what if gravity piles on my head
till all falls, my glance cast below
the shadows on brick walls so low
tied laces undone stretch and grow
roam the paving; fitting I know
for my stow of killing feeling slow
you hold the bow willing, your shadow
loads the arrow and aims well so

If Only So Disposable

put a cigarette upon my lips
and light me up with your tongue
seep in my lungs; nicotine heavy
and flick me away when done

this drag's a solemn breathe
rasped, left not long to linger
sucked; pulling my spirit up under
the gaps between your clenched fingers

pinching, till squeezed dry is my love

Monday, November 3, 2008

A Despise Of Lies

like lightning's ravaged my hair
I prepare myself for a storm at your cusp
wild weather expecting do damage
to all that bares hold us up

by a thread and vexing are the eyes
of strangers on the sidewalk
stepping, with leaned forward strides
I must be pepping myself in viscous talk

the corners of my mouth
parallel edges as sharp the sword
grated upon a stone: two blades
with which to cut you down were born

yes, you're the mother of my hate
and the wife of my despise
married to my every thought
of the damage provoked by lies

two words as carelessly are cast
we spit at each other like acid
fuck off! fuck you! no, you fuck off!
we scream and rave, only our passion placid

how does 'how do you do?'
grow wings and teeth - that of dragons
till it breathes fire and scorches
and makes love a branding

never removed from the skin
I itch at you constantly irritating
and just the sight of you riles me
my strong dislike thrives with no abating

other people waiting

we're not strangers anymore