You Subscribe To Lies Before You Die

I wish I knew who I am
as discontent is all I conclude
I wish I knew where to aim
when impossibilities my only truth

if I had an Allison
maybe then I could bellow
my aim is true like Elvis
to my other world tortured fellow

to the one by my side
I always smile to hide distaste
of myself and conceal the evidence
of seeking self-knowledge that I hate

am I quickened in my youth
to wise on all that normally takes
a person fifty years or more
to understand what time instigates?

I'm lead believe when I'm
at that fifty years of life
I'll be so spent on the truth
that I'll turn to their youth of lies

just to die feeling as though
I'm at peace for nothing to resolve
is my future set by my present
with only naivety to absolve?

to turn from contemplation
to idealism to finally demise
is my view so now realistically acute
that to fiction I'll let my mind subscribe?