Guilt's Apprise

then; upstairs moving in her room as rolled with a five dollar note
snorting a torn capsule line of ecstasy off an album cover like coke
thoughts soon successive; then racing made the night's sides blurred
as the pace of the whiskey and MDA in my veins spilled and churned

turned down a gear to the limit my conscience danced in spasms
awakening it became difficult to tell what'd been and what hadn't
I resorted to thought I'd caught myself in a strange chemical induced chance
and events of the night spent I couldn't recollect all it's circumstance

it wouldn't shake; the drug I did for awareness of it flaming in my skull
and in hindsight it did it's job for even leaving I'd not hit a lull
the most striking of it's evidence was all the hasty exclamations
to Stella about hairspray and textiles and subtle sexual temptations

I can't say I concur with or fathom the recurrence of need to be high
though I do understand chances failed and a heart's bleeding sigh
I always try to be positive, but often the best is the worst's disguise
and it's most evident that I'm not telling everyone what guilt wishes apprise