Monday, July 28, 2008

My Shy Surprise

she gives me a kiss that persists to say
I insist on good times, but goodnight
two lips and tongues that swiftly meet
pray tell; I wish it didn't have to be goodbye
slowing, she ends it with a quick peck
and sets off my delayed, shy surprise
we'd leaned in with tired, closed eyes
the week's waiting for this clearly shown
as we'd stepped outside in the cold
and left the front door open wide
both finally reaping the due display
of romantic flirting sown over two Sundays
standing on the porch caught up in the moment
we hugged and then it was suddenly over
leaving all my future inclinations hoping
in only the implications of interests growing
now, her in those pyjamas; smoking cigarettes
sitting, sipping tea I can't or don't want to forget
nor her hands on my sides and how she sighed
a hot breath as I gently put my mine to her head
and ran my fingers through the lengths of hair -
that draped down to her shoulders - with subtle care
shortly after I left she sent me a message
implying that my leaving some how didn't seem fair
I replied once I stopped driving and thinking
that if I didn't have to work I would have been there
two days on now as I look back I can say that
I knew she was going home and should have stayed
but I was afraid of ruing our time spent
that I'd ruin the moment and the message she'd get
for regret there's no cure, I should have taken a chance
and acted on instinct, neglecting all other plans
now I wonder about the upcoming weekend
and what repedation may be incurred by seeing her again
the more I think; the more I'm aware of the feelings
within me that she stirs up and I see clearly
that what I want is comfort and company, not love
but history tells me sometimes that's enough
just two people who can appreciate each other
for a time and place and not make soul mating not a must

Thursday, July 17, 2008

What You Don't Know Still Hurts

I took a kiss from a girl a long time ago. I thought it might lead somewhere but it never did. It didn't bother me for long after because it wasn't free to take in any case. The kiss was stolen. Not from her - she freely gave it - but from her other. The worst part was that I knew of him and stole it anyway. But I guess, that's what makes a theft.

In some time after everyone and everything had resumed the course they were on before the intimate interruption, I found out some details that - were as all too often these kind of details are - knowing earlier might have led to an alternate course of my intentions and actions.

I wondered, what would I have done if I'd known she wanted to be with me? Wanted something more than a kiss. Something less fleeting. Something with more feeling. Would I have wanted the same? I don't think I would want those things now. Not given the time that has passed. But there's no halt for wonder.

I further pondered what might be now if I'd known of all the secret desires people had. I let each of my imaginings narrate out and think of all the different loves and lives I could have had and be. I wonder, how many secrets I don't know and who they belong to?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Soaked With Sadness

there's a moment that seems slips away from me
where I know I was care free without worries
a time and place, an age to unknowingly just be
now I'm overthrown by life's endless possibilities

I long to be adrift at sea from the shore which I call Ezbon
I want to create something new I want them to all be wrong
hope never seems worth it until it becomes what I can hold
on frivolous fancies I wish I hadn't so hastily my heart sold

I told her once, twice, more than I can count on my fingers
and still it sears my dreams, her interest in me lingers
I think of the sin I commit to with every gaze towards her skin
my head tumble dries all our wrongs and rights
and still soaked; for our truth I must wring

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Soft Lips And Costly Kissing

I remember her quick, hot breath in the split instance
she whispered to me through a sigh 'you have such soft lips'
when she withdrew I immediately rued all the inspired intimacy
of meeting with such a lustful, costly and smitten kiss

walking from the bar; our looks met and I caught her stare
then it happened again, this time though both desperately aware
of the growing situation, whilst intense could only end unfair
and I felt the grip of my resistance to her seductive gaze start to tear

there in the street, modesty lacking her lips singed with passion
and I burned with exaction as I ran my fingers through her hair
our bodies pressed against the cafe, the dark keeping us discreet
suffering intoxicated inhibitions in attraction's stark defeat

in my arms, her back was leaned up to the wall's plaster hard
for all of our hiding behind a corner from off-duty staff
desire collided with adrenaline in hope they couldn't see us
we got lost in the bliss ignorance of the most inappropriate instincts
and pushed aside all the outside lovers and factors from our thinking

since that night our once sure and comfortable staff - customer relations
have been subject to the deconstruction of unintended romantic actions
but recently written in the window of her eyes I've been receiving
a look that says: yes for one night, by those kisses I might be yours
but for past and future temptations we should repent, forget and ignore

now when I go inside the cafe to pay and we brush shoulders
I'd like to pull her aside and confide; back then I wish I'd told her
how our contexts separating in the moment opposed my hoping
but since we kissed I've been inclined to let my mind wildly roam
in wistful regret with many imaginings of a near future time
when free from disdain I can again claim her lips as mine

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Soul Survival

I find I keep sinking in thought
caught in a rip of distant past lately
time disappears thinking what I said
at the end of a long term with a lady

it occurred to me now obvious truth
the dependency on an honest strive
for the soul to thrive in coupled life
and when neglected the weighty cost

I remember believing love impossible
if not requiring some gentle white lies
in hindsight one's giving dishonesty
is only impairment to soul survival

Monday, July 7, 2008

Coins & Caution

our love was the gold coin I tossed
I called heads and it first landed your favour
now I stand to cast it to the depths of a wishing well
because every flip it only lands on it's edge

how do you lovingly say, 'mine be cautious
we're letting ourselves get too complacent
not that we're lazy, we're just getting comfortable
and that's not okay if we're to aim for success'

can you have doubts and say love is honest
is loving possible minus the solemn promise
to continue to want you without care of appearance
what deliverance from the truth can wishing offer

what I hear in the ripples of the meniscus
is on a graph time and vacillation correlate
as every coin breaks the surface to sink, I ask why
do we fight the instinct to let context disaffiliate

our young age and opportunity's catalyst
for the thought that settling is early deprivation
we're too aware of time's obligation to commitment
but only consider our undertaking once enlisted

I'm not alone in throwing my change to the water
around me are many with shrapnel getting shorter
faces of worry and dismay and hearts in disorder
all contemplating how deep do these pockets reach

Hugs Are Better Than Kisses

I once used to think it not possible
that hugs could be better than kisses
but I realised they say you were missed
before or rather than I'm glad to see you
not that anyone you hug is unwelcome
just sometimes an embrace is overdue
I remember back when I was one of two
and a hug was taken or given as granted
then it seemed less valuable than her two lips
but now I'm alone it's the warm closeness I miss
my friends are kind enough to offer me
that hug I so dearly have recently needed
but as thankful as I am, it's still not the same
they've all got a reservation that's unfair to blame
truths each keeps within their arms for just one
a mutual exchange of wanting an other's love
so I continue on with my arm's opened out wide
along the way taking any one's with a soft smile
but biding with hope the return of love's hug

Shitty BIC Cigarette Lighter

my finger tires
from flicking the flint
on my shitty impostor
of a BIC cigarette lighter
and just as I wish
my life was well lit
too my cigarette
as I sit here thinking
of the future and
adventure that looms
of travel next year
and the fear of what if
I don't get a job soon

I can't waste away
writing at the cafe
drinking my money
out of my pockets
and reading my eyes
from their sockets
something must change
but something's missing
dwindling funds persisting
days on the clock ticking
procrastination insisting
I just sit and wait
for a revelation to take
me to the insight
of what I want

Sunday, July 6, 2008

A Razor Rider Lady

today there's
a razor of a lady
motorcycle rider

who pulls up
right behind me
on a hot silver Honda

she parks at the curb
and swiftly steps off it
an urban princess dressed
in a black leather outfit

all tight with high boots
and busting from a jacket

concealing her sharp figure
behind thick steel zippers

and as it is
with most of these bikies
she's all too indicative

that she knows time and's
fervently so
interested in living!

'cause not only
does she show
a groove for that bike

but she struts that pavement
to take a seat outside

ties her hair back and rests;
slips on sunglasses

purses her fingers
to a cigarette
and asks for a light

from the waiter
who takes this
all in with a smile

knowing just as I'm thinking;
that, yeah
this bikie's alright!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Trying To Know You Both Gave Me Pneumonia

I've come down with a case of pneumonia
you two took a lung each as I breathed you in
our conversations were contagious and took over
you infected my respiratory system
enticed me and my addiction insisted
convincing me I'd continue to feel valued
if my interest I repeatedly, freely gave you
instead as I let my honest heart speak serious
you dismissed me and conditioned me as delirious
I cannot laugh now without a cough
this plague is what trying to know you costs
I'd confide to you insights of my life in hot breath
but the back and forth of warm and cold
confused any immunity beneath my breast
and infection swept across the depth of my chest
now all the words from your mouths are
a bitter wind that plows right through my clothes
imposing on any supposing getting better
I go to the doctor to ask for prescription drugs
he kindly writes me the papers for the right dose
seeing the damage of your hurt on my face shows
up as grey half moons either side of a pale nose
he says the hate will eventually heal, though
the scarring of your care you'll bare all your days

other people waiting

we're not strangers anymore