Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Oh, The Irony Of This Role Reversal

My courtship conscience convicts me with relationships; though the rules are strict there's no placings - third, second or first. Just two defendants who're destined to lose confidence in the fairness and worth of new love when it's caught and aborted at conception and not given birth.

Our continual flirting brings out of me my soul's selfish ways for the worst. Who would have thought these roles could ever be so easily reversed? That I'd curse the lines I tried to sell to girls I wanted time over and again? Now I know the feeling all too well; of hurt that burns yet persists to pretend it has no right to yearn, yell or be defensive.

For mixed signals sent from the beginning - there is no quick fix, simple or easy mend. Just the empty question of how to survive the detached mindset that stops remembering and instructs a heart's hope towards an end.

I fell into a state of mind, which lacked respect for proper actions and her perception of typical intentions. She's the only one I've known to get it right and ironically this time I don't have to fight. What I don't like about myself is; though I tried to be kind my honest plight must be the opposite of my usual strive.


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