For Wanting Of Winter Ways Another Year As Nears Summer's Days

I haven't felt this way
since the winter of last year
the cold and feeling old
and slowly creeping fear
that maybe you don't requite
or see me in that light
of adoration
and infatuation
that I can't help but be consumed by
and if my conscience does not lie
I think I'm falling for you again

my trying can't stop the bending
and thoughts that will not end
of me sending you that letter
outlining how I really feel
but is this loving real
or shit I'm creating in my head
happenings and conversations
things you've not yet said
about how you don't really want me
not now
just like
not then.



almost a year on
and it's nearly summer
but a fast resumption
of this sadness has landed in my lap
and like sap it bleeds
my conscience's need
to slip from Happiness' track

my plan of attack
failed implementation
I'm still as depressed
as I was both those winters
I'm on medication daily
to just stay asleep
but the cure for insomnia
seems only to weep

I keep trying to align
my eyes forward but I turn
and through a veil I write
to hide behind words
caught in the past my glance
strays sideways and sure enough
peripheral vision like a fish fails
with my sight so tunneled
my hope behind, only trails
but long lost love, true enough
still knows no fail