27 Feb 2008
the moment left him. He wondered if it would return someday as a fond memory or an unsettling thought. Her objection in refusing him was saddening. More so than previous times, with other girls. For this time he felt like he really did love a person. Her. More than just a crush, he adored her and appreciated all of the small things about her.
The way she tied her hair up in a small pony tail for work. How her teeth were unusually, but attractively bright white. The slight rose to her cheeks and how she looked a little flustered all the time. The necklace that hung low around her collar and was dainty enough to compliment her smile. Charming and modest. The awkwardness of her address to him when she spoke, though with moments of confidence.
He could not help but think that his attention to detail would go unappreciated and unnoticed. Once again he became as small as a fly on a wall and felt as significant. Reduced to watching the world around him but not being able to truly interact with it and a seeming nuisance.
Looking back over old photos. Past loves and desires. He realised that she would likely fade into another one of the envelopes or boxes that he kept all the pieces of his heart in. In his room. In his wardrobe. Under the bed. She would be forgotten in years to come and only recalled in moments like the one he was already starting to lose.
He began to think that love was like that. It was so fleeting and inconsistent. He wondered how it was possible to love someone for the entirety of his life. How could he not have a heart filled with different loves.
His final thought as he went to sleep was that he was likely the sum of all his loves in life. That one day, someone would get the pouring out of all the love and sorrow and sadness and mist that was him. Hopefully they'd connect with it and want it and understand it. Perhaps they'd be the same as him. Perhaps they'd want the same as him.
He slept and he dreamed of falling in love and what it felt like and what it might feel like with someone else. It was one of the most beautiful dreams he'd had in a long time
memories & previous plans
- ► 2009 (87)
- the Robin Hood of romance
- she wrote Sorry! in my coffee
- unclasped lovers
- CANINE LOVERS
- Ward For The Broken Hearted
- love is lung cancer
- If hypothetically I fell for you
- A Kite In The Wind
- did you miss me?
- our lives let the rain in.
- love is inspiration
- we watched our parent's and theirs for too long.
- our love to admire and if lacking'll set to fire a...
- If I Have To Go
- hands in pockets
- The Brittle Melancholy
- I scream. You scream. We all scream for the person...
- drop a coin into the sea. but only whisper come ba...
- knowing you're in love again is when feelings surp...
- tips for shy chicks
- the Friends ship set sail; unsure we had boarded w...
- his note & the lump in her throat. his sigh, her e...
- my winter weather leather gloves that hide my fing...
- "The Moment That It Takes To Fall Apart"
- straight lines
- pleasure, pain and provocation
- the vacancy sign’s flashing on your hotel lacking ...
- inhibited in the minute by a machine that stops my...
- warm and still
- my midnight malignant melanoma
- do you realise?
- it's dreamy weather
- don’t let the magic of the moment become too much ...
- Tap. Tap. Tap...
- deciduous reaching over us. littering romance on t...
- red sea
- nobody’s up except the moon and me
- memories are tears
- I once fell in love in a six hour conversation
- freeway, cars & trucks.
- he stored his love and his life in boxes in the cu...
- time’s like a broken watch
- 22 Feb 2008 I tried being nice, I tried being sin...
- I dreamt I was dead and of what you said about my ...
- I hate your assumptions. They’re like lumps in my ...
- on the banks of the south I was the odd one out.
- roses are red, violets are blue. you don’t love me...
- on valentine’s day
- you’re not there anymore
- blog 100.
- tear apart the ties that bind. You're nothing not ...
- tantrum display. you can no longer prey
- for wanting of winter ways
- could I love the beach. could I love you?
- you were just outside my window
- we sold sincerity for seduction
- sleep carefully, fuck well.
- hating you makes me a better person
- you boiled to the surface, like you should never h...
- let me take you...
- ▼ May (66)