If I Have To Go

Last night I dreamt of faring weather too cold for Autumn
you and I met on the corner with plans of getting warmer
over cigarettes and strong flat whites we talked of plights to be surer
we're deployed to implore more fervent ties to the time that we've got
and strike an urgency till we get merging into different lives and further plots

we're in express lanes on separate freeways headed to different coasts
towards verging futures with a past that leaves us at this moment so much to boast
many aspects of me are just you tangled up in rendition
things that pleasantly you either gave or I could take without permission
I know you're okay with it because they're the best parts you've to give
and it's this offering and taking of each other that I'm fucking going to miss

I awoke from the dream riddled with panic, at certain odds for ends
knowing your consistency and you're my guiding constellation as a friend
I'm unsure of how to mention all my hesitations to leave and fears
it's no secret from the vault that you're the only thing holding me here
and it's concurrent with the claustrophobic nagging of I have to flee
that you're the superfluously sole reason for if I leave I'll return quickly