you’re not there anymore

12 Feb 2008

I guess I must be dead to you
even after all the years
you don't return my phone calls
that alone should make it clear
I spend my days trying to find you
and perhaps you don't mind to
know that from my thoughts
you've not yet disappeared

Your absence from my life sears deep
and my longing for you is rearing
I just can't contain any longer
the creeping steady storm of tears
all I want is for you to hear
what I have to plead
about how much I need
to know whether or not for so long
you treasured me the same

Was I to blame for our falling out
did I do or say something that caused you doubt
that we'd left our course of strong and steady
did you think perhaps I wasn't ready
did I not show you enough affection
was my neurosis like an infection
did I claustrophobe
and not enough show you
that I could stand on my own

Did you feel I was not secure
or my head too much a mess
I can't stop debating whether or not
you were waiting for me to pass the test
of companion over lover
or the falling for another
well I'll tell you now as clear as mud
I never came close, only you I loved
for cure of my relapsing heartache
you're my self prescribed overdose

Just come back to me and confess
that right now you love me so much less
than ever and you couldn't again
tell me since us you've seen other men
tell me that you don't think of us
and with me you want nothing more to do
tell me you've sieved me from your heart
hearing those words from you is the only way
I can start over with a ray of hope